“Really, you’re still doing that church thing?”

It had been several years since I last connected with this old high school friend of mine and here we were catching up on each other’s lives over an afternoon coffee. 

I was taken aback by his question and I didn’t know how to respond. For better or for worse, I simply replied with an awkward and somewhat apologetic, “yeah.” 

At twenty-one, I suspect that I was among a minority in my circles who was still going to Church. Most, as far as I knew, fell away from the faith we received as children as we entered into university and young adulthood. Most of the people I knew weren’t anti-faith; they kind of just “grew out of it”. Yet somehow in those years my life took an unusual route – I found myself going deeper. 

And to be honest, I wasn’t really sure why I was steadily becoming more – not less – personally invested in my Catholic faith.  

I think deep down part of me already knew that the purpose of my life was going to be found through my faith, not apart from it.   

Almost a decade later, I came face to face with a more radical version of this question. In a society where faith and Church are increasingly countercultural, I found myself again not drifting away from the faith of my upbringing but quite the opposite: considering a life as a priest. 

But how did I get here? 

It wasn't the first time I'd considered it. Years before I had already been in the seminary only to eventually leave and move back home because I was still too uncertain of what to do. And yet, here I was again. Knowing full well the reality of the life I was considering, the pull to the priesthood persisted. Why was I continuing to feel drawn to be a priest? And why (spoiler alert) did I in fact end up re-joining the seminary months later?  

Just like before, the answer wasn’t altogether clear. 

When I shared the news with friends and family, some of them questioned my decision. It was as if they were implicitly saying, “You were already free of that; how could you be going back?” It was a fair question. As if going into the seminary wasn’t unusual enough when I initially entered, now I was making a return after being out in the “real world” for some time. So, why? 

As I reflect on it today, one word really explains it all: relationship. 

The sole reason why my faith is what it is today – even when society says go the other way – is because of a relationship with a real person: Jesus.

In these recent years, it’s by personally encountering Jesus and His love for me that the faith I was given as a child has become the faith I have chosen as an adult. And this decision has changed my life completely.    

 I used to rely on my success in school and work to give me that sense of value and importance. And I would often expect my relationships to bring me a sense of complete fulfillment, leaving me confused and frustrated when they never did. But through this relationship with Jesus, I’ve come to know who I am at the core of my identity: I am a beloved son of God. This isn’t just lip-service to the answer I’m supposed to say but a real thing I’ve experienced. And from this I live in a deep freedom that I’ve found nowhere else. Confident and assured of who I am, I’m less inclined to look to other things or people for approval or satisfaction, something I’ve done for many years of my life.

It’s also helped me discover a deeper sense of purpose. In the past, my greatest concerns were what job I was going to get, how much money I wanted to make, and how I could live a more comfortable existence. These things weren’t bad in and of themselves but they didn’t give me the kind of purpose that leaves you satisfied and sure. 

My faith now has led me to ask deeper questions and to find satisfaction in my deeper desires. Why was I created and where am I headed? What will lead me to a life that is satisfying and fulfilling? How can I stop striving and just rest in the life I live? I have discovered that I am created for life with God and that this is the necessary context for a truly satisfying and joyful life here on earth. 

And the practice of my faith? Well, it’s come alive in a way I didn’t know was possible. It doesn’t feel like a meaningless routine like it used to.

Things I’ve done countless times in the past—going to Church, receiving the Sacraments, praying—have become incredible. They are meaningful, transformative and life-giving. Those things that I previously understood merely as  “Church rules to follow”, I started to experience as God’s guiding hand to a fuller life. 

And it’s not that I was necessarily looking for it either. I wasn’t in a crisis of identity, purpose, or faith. 

Life as I knew it was just fine. But coming to personally encounter Jesus was that thing I didn’t know I needed in my life. It’s like putting on a new pair of glasses and seeing the world with a new vision I could have never imagined. 

My life hasn’t been the same since. 

This is why my faith is so central and foundational to my life today, why I am doing something so radical as pursuing a life as a priest. There is nothing better than life with God, and if the life He has planned for me is life as a priest, then there’s nothing else I want to do. As I’ve progressed into adulthood, I haven’t drifted away from my faith because I’ve experienced what faith is meant to be: a personal relationship with Jesus lived out through His Church. 

None of us are meant to grow out of our faith. I believe we’re all meant to grow into our faith - to have a deeply personal and life-changing experience with Jesus that brings the faith we’ve always known to a deeper level of reality and significance. I believe that it’s through this kind of personal faith that we truly find our life’s meaning and purpose. 

Whatever season you find yourself in right now, whatever level of faith or practice you currently have, I pray that you can personally encounter Jesus and that in doing so, He may deeply transform your life as He has mine. You are His greatest desire!