I Have Different Convictions From My Friends: What Should I Do?
“Welcome those who are weak in faith, but not for the purpose of quarreling over opinions. (...) Who are you to pass judgment on servants of another? It is before their own lord that they stand or fall. And they will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make them stand.” (Romans 14:1,4)
I moved out of my family home in my early 20s, nervous for the new adventure of supporting myself while living in an expensive city like Vancouver, but I was also very ready to discover who I was apart from my family.
I returned on Sunday evenings for family dinner, and our conversations around the table were equally entertaining and endearing. My parents intentionally fostered an environment of family, fellowship and individuality. We lingered around the table talking about life, fun facts, things we saw this week, or people to pray for. This is still a lovely tradition, with additions of significant others and spouses joining the table slowly over the years making our conversations more deep and vulnerable. I did not realize it until I was older, but my parents were fostering dialogue around a dinner table all those years ago. The conversation sometimes got heated, but our love for our siblings always took precedence (after perhaps needing a day or two to recover).
As we got older, certain conversations felt more weighted. Our subjective realities, imbued with feelings and life experiences, sometimes clouded the objectivity of the conversation. I would notice that with certain topics, I wanted to get my siblings to believe the same thing I did. I wanted to be right. I injected myself frequently and evidently killed the conversation, or at the very least, used a tone of voice or a certain look that probably made my younger siblings feel very small. I still do this sometimes.
We all have topics that we feel more strongly about than others, making it harder to bite our tongues. I would encourage you to notice where your mind goes when you think of a topic that is close to your heart, especially in regards to faith, theology and ‘church’. How did it get there? When did it begin to take root? When you think about it, do you feel your palms get sweaty or perhaps feel a burning sensation in your chest? What do you notice?
A common dilemma is this: what if these convictions feel like a calling to speak into? What if we find ourselves in moments where we feel we are supposed to defend, correct, or discuss? I often need to check myself if I feel the need to speak out of pride, rather than out of a place of humility.
Two principles to remember
I once heard that, “the pace of evangelization should never outpace the relationship”. I would take it one step further: “the pace of correction, voiced conviction, and story telling should never outpace the relationship”. Do we have authentic trust with this person or are we just getting to know them? Are we praying for the person as much as we are judging their convictions? Are we even questioning ourselves first before the person in front of us – a self-aware remix of looking at the log in our own eye.
It’s also important to remember the distinction of objective Truth; in that truth shall exist whether people believe in it or not. A quote often attributed to St. Augustine is: “truth is a lion; you don’t have to defend it, simply let it loose, it will defend itself”. Do I believe that certain convictions will prevail on their own? Do I believe in Truth having inherent power and resilience or do I believe it is my duty to get everyone to believe in order for it to have power? Have I left space for the fact that I may not be the best person to even share this Truth?
In our society where everyone can easily voice and promote their opinions on different platforms, it is a very good thing to occupy space with people who disagree with us. Our world’s spaces where dialogue is encouraged is fading. Our opinions and beliefs are now being categorized as violent or not, loving or hateful.
As disciples of Jesus, we need to have the ability to occupy space with those who disagree with us with love, respect, and dignity. I was recently listening to a commentary where the speaker explained how Jesus invoked this very principle in choosing His disciples. Matthew was a tax collector for Rome, a betrayer of his people, seemingly aiding the oppressor. Simon the Zealot was the opposite; zealots would train and kill Roman soldiers just to incite riots. And both were chosen. Both had a seat at Jesus’ table; before they even changed their ways.
When we hold different convictions than our neighbour, it could prompt a pause, a ‘yellow light’ , a caution to slow down because this is holy ground. Their story and your story are dancing in the between you, with objective Truth always near. My encouragement to you, and a reminder to myself: Be aware of the person in front of you more than the topic of conversation. Person first. Keep a pulse on the tension in the conversation, understanding that agreeance does not equal loving more. Abide in Jesus with awareness of the landscape of the world. Where dialogue is fading, be that soft space for people to land. To break bread with someone you do not totally agree with is not just a nice thought, it is a command. We are called to love, not simply tolerate.